You’re at the bakery buying a Valentine’s cake for yourself when the baker recommends the Red Velvet, “Nothing says I love you like Red Velvet!” You came for the vanilla, but you don’t want to seem like you don’t really love the person your buying it for. So you go for it out of sheer embarrassment that he judges you. Red Velvet it is, but was it worth the price?
Next, you’re at your cousin’s wedding, and the bride's cake choice enamors the guests; it’s Red Velvet. It's a really classy choice, according to a gaggle of aunties. …
Every Monday, I promise to be done bitching about toxic masculinity. But then this happened…
I was standing by the sidewalk minding my own business when a man approached me. I was wearing a huge mask. No, really, I’m not exaggerating, it’s massive; my eyelashes get stuck in it.
He said, “You look fed up.”
I was, actually. I am so fed up with guys like him. So, I ignored him.
He then proceeded to get too close and give me unwarranted advice, “You should smile more.”
I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t. So I roared. Like really loud…
POP. POP. POP.
That’s the sound of the triple-threat butter popcorn in the microwave. Now, I know what your thinking; where did you get triple butter popcorn, and I’m here to tell you, I add that extra touch of butter myself. You’re welcome.
The thing is, Friday nights have become a whole event for me, so I like to make them extra special. I take off my makeup, get into my favorite PJ, make my magic popcorn and wait for the three Gen Z-ers across my building to appear. …
Prompt: How do you handle fear?
Don’t you hate it when everyone tells you to put yourself out there, and the moment you do, it’s a fail? Like, I was happy being mediocre in my cocoon. Why did you do this to me in the middle of my peace?
Anyway, the point is I kind of cracked a joke in a writing class I’m taking, and it didn’t translate well. Fuck. I’m cringing as I type this. …
“You want the blue pill or the red pill?”
“Are you sure? No one’s ever come back after taking red,”
“I choose red.”
“Fine, symptoms include chaos, trolls, community shunning, a shit load of anxiety, splashes of rejection, and a dab of loneliness,”
They say your true self is the kid inside. You know, the kid that questions the world and its rules before society gaslights you into becoming someone else. Before they shape you and shame you into who you’re supposed to be.
So you go around acting like who you’re supposed to be, and that’s…
Nothing brings me more joy than un-correcting people's grammar and pronunciation. I spent my whole life making fun of my aunts’ broken English, only to turn around and use it myself. It’s just so damn flavorful.
Acting like our aunties is kind of the schtick between my friends back home and me. We could carry a whole conversation in their honor, and we do it whenever we get together. It just makes us feel at home. Half the time we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
“She’s phisticated with a so! So-phisticated.”
“Bravo, what does she es-tudy?”
Christian singer Matthew West released a song dedicated to his two teenage daughters called “Modest is Hottest.” I always thought my parents were embarrassing when I was a kid, but my dad wasn’t out dedicating songs to how much skin I should — or should not — show.
“It’s for all of the fathers out there whose daughters are joining TikTok and starting to date. The struggle is real,” Matthew West.
Yes, the struggle is real when it comes to men like you.
The harmful rhetoric spewed in this one song is incredible. …